EMMA FORREST: YOUR WORDS IN MY HEAD!

Am I seeing things?  When I went on Emma Forrest's blog today she appears to have edited her original post titled 'Teach Your Children Well' with a shorter version of the post now entitled: Scent and Memory in regards to the writing of her book: Your Voice In My Head.  I read the original post - in fact I printed a copy off because I wanted to try out my new printer.  And after having read the post, I felt compelled to write my own post regarding Emma's original post regarding the writing of her book.

WARNING: I WILL APOLOGISE NOW!  ONCE I STARTED WRITING I COULDN'T STOP HENCE THIS IS AN EPIC POST... SORRY x

I was really interested to read the post; Teach Your Children Well as I wanted to find out why Emma Forrest had written a memoir, and well… I’m even more confused by Ms Forrest now than I ever was before?!

Let’s start at the beginning…
It is her stance not to name any of the anonymous figures in her book.  And she’s aware that it’s driving certain people mad.  

Oh dear… I’m sorry, but when someone makes such a statement as this - it’s very hard not to simply draw the logical conclusion that okay yes, this was someone who clearly ‘did’ set out with every intention of ‘driving certain people mad’.  

I’m not being biased against Ms Forrest herself, it’s something most people I believe would presume about anyone making such a statement.  If your intention is to make someone anonymous then you do just that; you change the obvious association for example what they look like, etc.  And surely, you would apply this form of discretion to all your ‘anonymous’ persons and not to one but not the other… wouldn‘t you?  And if you are ‘aware’ of something then you are conscious about it so therefore, you must be perceptive enough in understanding what the common response will be.

Next Emma appears to roll into a rather whimsy style manner of writing in order to indulge us with the significance of how she coupled ‘perfume’ and her memoir… of which I admittedly could not see the significance other than a imagining a woman waltzing around in a rather dream-like fantasy mist.

We then discover that she put pen to paper because she ‘felt lost’ without Dr R’s wisdom, and because she wanted to honour his memory.  And further more the title ‘Your Voice In My Head’ is a reference to his widow’s belief that she had ‘internalized’ Dr. R’s wisdom.  

Wow.. this is a pretty big pat on the back!  And I wondered if perhaps Ms Forrest had misinterpreted Dr R’s wife in some way?  Or, maybe she just took a very liberal view that she had somehow become Dr R’s favoured ‘shining example’ in terms of his work?  I then pondered as to whether she was Dr R’s ‘only’ client?  Coming back to my senses; I also gave thought to how Dr R’s other former clients now must feel - after having been informed that Ms Forrest was considered the only one to have ‘internalized’ his wisdom?

Thankfully, I could relate, and understand Emma wanting to express to Dr R’s widow that all the hard work and personal effort he put in with her as his client over the years had not been in vain.  And that his work and wisdom would continue to evoke her for the rest of her life.  

However, I couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that in her homage to Dr R she also appeared to be passing the entire responsibility of the very existence of this book solely on the shoulders of poor Dr R’s widow.  I’m probably reading far too much into it, but to me it almost seemed as if Ms Forrest was somehow trying to shift the emphasis in order to somehow excuse herself from any possible offence that may be caused in regards to some of the rather precarious content of the book.

Emma then goes onto reveal the ‘trove of documents’ etc that make up her medical history; this is probably about the only thing Ms Forrest and myself do have in common, and I even found myself wondering how interesting it might be to compare notes one day.

Onwards and interestingly, Emma seemingly puts all her ‘past’ erratic behaviour down to being ‘manic’ at the time.  How terribly convenient.

Moving on, and at last we are given the answer to a question we actually wanted to know about, which was were any of the men aware they were going to be in her book.  And the answer is yes… what a relief!  I particularly liked Mr Anonymous No.3 and his comment “I should remember us the way I remembered us and that he didn’t need to see it”.  

What a wise man I thought, but then thought perhaps he wasn’t so wise after all.  It’s not unlikely that this poor sod is probably horrified by the extent of detail which has been exploited through his attachment to a woman called Emma Forrest.  I doubt he will be so willing to attach himself in any way, shape or form to another ’writer’ for a very long time to come!  

Next Emma informs us of her self-disciplined number one rule: No writing about people’s kids.  And then immediately goes onto to reveal one of the men had a daughter whom he used against her, and another had a ‘kid’ that she almost considered a soul mate.  Er… is it just me, but has Emma not just broken her own rule?  

Again, no matter how hard one tries not to be too judgemental; it proves a difficult task.  Why say one thing, but do the exact opposite?  It‘s like she trying too hard.  The tone of her words read in such a deliberate way that the reader can do nothing else but make assumptions of the person she’s pretending not to tell you about.  It’s also becomes incredibly irritating, which then makes you think of her as being rather childish, and ultimately you end up thinking this woman is really quite narcissistic.  Can I really believe what she is telling me is true, or am I being led a merry dance?  

Towards the end of the piece Emma, once again makes reference to another author whom she likens herself to being seen on the same par with - this time Judith Moore.

And finally, we come to the end, which is perhaps the most revealing and honest Emma Forrest in my opinion has been so far in regards to this book.

Why publish it?
There’s the idea it may help people.  But, truthfully, the more I’ve turned the question over in my head, the more I have just one answer: because I’m a writer.

Well there we go then…

The ‘idea’ it may help people…
Doesn’t really matter if it does or it doesn’t as long as there is an idea that it might.  After all if you’re going to delve into a subject such a mental health the only person you should be responsible to… is of course yourself.

I have just one answer…
Indeed one answer because let’s face it is the only answer.

Because I’m a writer…
That’s right; I am in a position whereby I can write words, which will be published regardless of the reality of content.  

Maybe I’m being too harsh on Ms Forrest.  I am still undecided if I like Emma Forrest as a writer in general, and as a person I can’t say because I don’t know her.  However, I do know I am more than a little irked that she is being hailed as being ‘brave’ for having the guts to write about her mental health issues.  A lot of people have mental problems and struggle greatly to live on a daily basis.  I too have had mental issues, and I too have spent time in a psychiatric hospital, but I find it very difficult to relate to someone such as Emma Forrest.  I can’t help but get the impression here is a woman who seeks to openly court attention.  I feel as if she cannot function on a happy medium unless she is either wrapped up in a personal crisis, or attempting to cause deliberate controversy, particularly where her work is concerned.  I could go as far as saying personally; I feel she is someone who uses her mental instability as a prop in a rather self-centred and vain attempt to avoid being held accountable to herself, or anybody else.  

Her self-portrayed innocence and self-criticism I find almost tedious, and unbelievable coming from someone who has been privileged from the start, holds an enviable position and is striving to achieve what appears to be a yearning ambition to become ‘famous’.  I am in no way saying privileged people, people with position, or famous people don’t have problems just like the rest of us because they absolutely do.  However, they can at least access professional help from a variety of sources when it’s needed most  - should they wish too.  And for many of those who have done so a great many return back to their big mansions very grateful, learned through the experience and go on to try and live an improved life.  However, a lot of us mere mortals unfortunately have problems actually getting the help; it’s out there but we can’t access it when WE need it the most.  So we end up on a waiting list and in the long meantime, are left to deal with our problems very much on our own.  

So when someone like Ms Forrest starts writing about her past and present ‘struggle’ with life, but who continues to pursue the limelight, and indeed relish in it; by being present at any award ceremony where a lot of famous are bound to be, by romantically always trying to be linked to an ex-boyfriend who was famous, or being linked to a possibly about to be famous new boyfriend, or being praised by selective literary peers for basically writing about anything to do with famous people… Well then no - I’m sorry, I just don’t feel the need to read a book cataloguing all of the above.  

So am I jealous of her?  Of course I am, wouldn’t we all like to be in Emma’s position?  Are you kidding me!  No, it’s not jealously, its logical sense; we don’t have anything in common other than having in depth medical records and spending time in a mental hospital.  It’s fair to say I might have been interested in reading about how she stopped herself from self-harming, and dealt/deals with depressive episodes etc.  And I’m sure I might have been interested to read about Dr R and his obvious dedication to his work and client.  But strangely, I don’t want to read about the ins and outs, and name dropping, yet not name dropping of some woman’s past romantic liaisons.  Nor do I want to read about overexcited silly and childish behaviour that probably serves no purpose other than providing your girlfriends with a giggle.  From the excerpts I’ve read so far; sadly, I don’t believe this book has been truly written in a befitting homage to Dr R, but if it has, then it greatly seems to have lost its way through the process, and instead has turned into a ‘kiss and tell’ format about one woman’s fight for notoriety.
 
Afterthought:
Maybe I do owe it to myself to read all the book…  just to see if I’m wrong?

Conclusion:
Nah, I'll just write my own book!